Reigniting the Spark in the Bedroom When You Have Kids

by Jenny Lord

Sex can take a backseat after children; we all know it. Immediately after the birth, it’s a no-go area, then there’s contraception to think about, sleep is preferable to anything and your libido takes a hit. You both become parents rather than lovers and it can be hard to get back into the groove again. I’m guilty myself of going to bed before my husband and then falling asleep, which leaves us a very small window to do anything. I’ve put together some tips to reignite that spark in the bedroom. Not for the prudish, you have been warned.

Get a babysitter

I know we tend to reserve the precious babysitting hours for specific nights out, but how about for a date night in? Cook something nice or get something ready prepared. Get that special underwear out and take your time. Turn off the phones and TV. Really take the time to reconnect and maybe try something new? I’ve found as we’ve got older and stronger together than we are more adventurous in the bedroom and will talk to each other about what we’d like to try. When your time in the bedroom is few and far between, you want to make it quality sex. It also makes it more exciting and new. Try experimenting with food, bondage, blindfolds or dressing up. There’s an endless number of things you can try to spice up the bedroom a bit.

Try sex toys

There are so many sex toys about now for women, and I’ve tried a fair few. The best one for a quick and intense orgasm is the wand. It looks huge and scary, but it’s designed for use outside the body and provides intense vibrations. It has a soft silicone head and plugs into the wall so no batteries to worry about. I use it during sex and it’s fabulous. An orgasm every time. If you’ve only got time for a quickie whilst the children are occupied or asleep, it’s great. Another one that’s had such good reviews I had to try it is the satisfyer pro. It runs on batteries and can be used in the bath or shower.I find it is not as intense as the wand, but once you get on the right speed for you, it’s epic. I suppose the men can have toys too, there are a few to choose from, but most men are just happy to be having sex! You always have the option of shopping with your partner to see if anything tickles their fancy as well.

Sexting

It always sounds so seedy but sending each other sexy messages or photos if you’re brave enough can really get you in the mood. I do find that by the end of the day and all the kids are finally asleep I’m so tired I can’t follow through with the promise, so morning sex works for us. Find the time that’s right for you as a couple. A middle of the night hook up is not out of the question.

Making sex a priority

How about setting a day of the week for sex? Make it one when you’re going to be the least tired or stressed and try to stick to it. If you don’t feel like it, you don’t feel like it, but knowing it’s on the cards that day can get you going. This can especially pan out well if the kids have scheduled extracurricular activities that maybe grandma can take them to…

Go to a hotel

There are so many cheap hotel deals out there, just check Groupon or Trivago for deals in your local area. If you can get a babysitter overnight, hotel sex is always good. There’s something about being away from home that unlocks your inhibitions and makes you feel naughty. If you want to go the extra mile, pretend to be strangers and meet in the bar separately. The thrill of the new ignites passion. If you treat yourself to a haircut and makeover beforehand you will feel fabulous. Plus, it can make it more of an event than just slipping in a quickie.

It can be done, but don’t beat yourself up if it’s been a while. Once you get back on the proverbial horse, the more you will want it. If you still don’t feel like it, maybe you need some time for yourself to feel cared for and nurtured first, then the sex will come.

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Written by

Jenny Lord

Blogger & Midwife
Jenny is a Midwife, Nurse and Mum of two boys and a girl, all under ten. She owns Midwife and Life, a pregnancy and parenting blog, and also educates other bloggers. You can find her with a cup of tea, her phone and usually a child or two. She loves giving real, honest advice about birth and beyond and will tell it like it is.

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