Identity Theft : Losing Yourself When You Become a Mom

by Debbi Baldwin

As you go through life, you make choices that shape who you are as a person and that mold you into the person you ultimately want to be. It helps you to create your own identity and become your own person. It can take years, or sometimes decades, to be happy with who you have become… And then you decide to have a child.

It feels as though, from the second you announce to the world that you are pregnant, people’s opinions of you change and you immediately become a whole new person. Although everyone means well, it very quickly makes you rethink how you see yourself. I am currently pregnant with my second child, and I have some lovely colleagues who have now started to introduce me to people as ‘This is Debbi, she’s pregnant’. That is now my role in life…incubator.

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I love being a parent (I feel this needs to be said as I really don’t want to seem ungrateful for having had the opportunity to start a family), but I do often feel as though my personality, needs, and opinions have become secondary to that of my child. Being Mommy and being the person that my son looks up to is the best feeling in the world, which gives me severe mom guilt whenever I think about wanting to be a person in my own right. In the school playground, groups of moms gather to collect their children at the end of the day, and we are all nameless. We are all so-and-so’s Mommy, with no indication of names or lives outside of bringing childcare providers. As bad as it may sound, it does feel better knowing I’m probably not the only one facing this.

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I went back to work 10 months after the birth of my son, and as heart-wrenching, as it was, there was also a sense of relief that, for just a few hours a day I would become a well rounded, fully functioning human being again. But at the end of the day, I will always be Mommy to my children for as long as they need me.

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Written by

Debbi Baldwin

I am a part-time working mummy of a very lively 4-year-old boy and I'm currently pregnant with our second child, due in the new year. In the brief snippets of free time that I get, I enjoy reading, playing video games, cooking and hearing myself think. I try valiantly on a daily basis to form some semblance of order and sanity in my family life, but most days I'm pretty much just winging it!

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